The little things reveal character

I write more as I reflect more, when I pause or call it, forced to pause.

I love sweets and anything sweet! I love baking n the smell of baking. My brother was my constant source of inspiration. He loved anything that his Akka made n he was always ready to assist. Those were the days before social media happened - when we baked chocochip cookies mostly as he loved them..and he would gobble up everything even before the lingering aroma disappeared. The purely innocent days when no one cared to click pics..all that we cared for was licking off the batter from the spatulas n fingers! 

So, I would indulge him with all that I wanted to eat but couldn't! Later, he had to stop eating sweets too n then, I stopped buying anything sweet. It was hard. After a few years, I resumed..for friends, kids and colleagues. I love sharing food and gratified by the "vicarious joy" when others enjoy the sweet stuff. Weird but I love it!

#TheOtherDay

I saw some temptingly beautiful cupcakes one day and ordered for a friend. I ordered considering the family's headcount. He wanted each of them to be of a different type. Seemed reasonable to me. They were luscious n anyone would fall for them! But there were many different ones. So, he ordered all of them! Everyone was happy. 

This incident never bothered me at all until the same person complained that I have something personal against him. Then, I saw through the greed. I was reminded of a similar incident that happened a year ago. I had gifted someone very thoughtful for the wedding n he complained I treated him with disrespect (when I had not even interacted due to the covid menace). It did create a rift between me and the friend to whom he complained. I did make up with the friend but have not grown big enough to forgive the sheep in wolf's clothes. 

The commonality in both: "None of them acknowledged that they liked ( or disliked) the gifts nor that I shared a close personal relationship with them. All that they chose to was be greedy and hypocrites when they chose to say unfair things".

The little things reveal the character. Period.

Yours rightfully, the Bada$$!

#LifeIsLikeThat

Looking at the past is sometimes useful to see how far you have come and how struggles never cease; also, how they never can stop you from moving on.

This one was again from high school. I had delivered a Republic Day speech the previous academic year. It was a memorable one, in my lifetime..the first standing ovation I ever received. The success was a team effort. I wrote the speech but the perfect delivery was ensured by Appaa, Sister Kamala(who trusted Appaa), Sister Mary Lobo, Mrs.Rachael, Mrs.Rebecca who were there to correct and appreciate all through the rehearsals. 

Then came the Independence day speech in August. The criterion for selection was whoever "wrote" the best essay gets to deliver the speech. 

My essay won. But I wasn't called for the rehearsal. Someone else was. I went and asked the teacher who was organising. She said indifferently,  "I have given your essay to my student. Every year, you can't be the one to speak." 

#LifeIsLikeThat

"Miss, You can't give one criterion and then do a volte face just because it is me again. Moreover, you cannot give away my essay to someone else without my permission. You can ask your student to give the speech but not using mine". I had no clue of Intellectual Property then in the 90s. I did not have  the backing of my own class teacher who always called me budhdhu infront of the class that I had already stopped talking to her. She was non-existent to me!🙄 I never let negative people stay around me. 

This post is again about claiming what is rightfully yours and not worry about being bullied. Keep negativity at bay. Never mind if people call you bada$$! 

P.s. Mind you, all this was between females. Females can be the detractors to their own flock. And even if not, others try the "divide n rule" to let the cats do the in-fighting! 😂🤣

The Emotional Connection

How many of you have felt an "emotional connect" with someone? Or at times, even with something? Why I am using the word "something" in this write-up, I shall explain later.

Before i tell you about this emotional connection, let me ask you if you have "felt disconnected" with the people you interact with?

I am sure the answer to this would be a definite YES. Many times and most of the times, it is a disconnected relationship. Just like a morse code ...-..-.-. You conveying information and the other end receiving that information. You need the dots and the dashes to complete the relaying of information...the hmms, the ifs n buts to complete those conversations we loathe. The first opportuntiy we get to end that conversation, we grab it. Dispassionate way of existence! But exist, we must. N we continue with this farcical existence.

Now, let's say you suddenly start feeling something or feeling for someone or something without receiving those dots or dashes. No particles striking you. No physicality involved.

Suddenly, the waves start surrounding you and infuse you with positive energy. You feel it, right? And, you also feel good about it, right?

Even silence enables you to relate to them. The strength of these thought waves is so great that it keeps you bonded. Such is the depth of that relationship. It runs deep, far away from the surface ripples!!

This relationship is most often talked of, as existing between two persons. Can this same effortless relationship exist with "something"? That something could be one's work, hobby or even apparently mundane things like studying.

When would this silent receptiveness set in? If you surrender to God or Nature's own elements and let go, you are right there!!

Be receptive to your surroundings...the book/notes you are staring at, the file you are poring into, the patient whom you want to "dispose", do whatever and simply finish it off.

When you are receptive to the waves emanating from these somethings, a power like gravity would envelop you. You may not see it but it would wield a force that makes you go back to it, again and again! Bcos you have developed a feeling/affection/love for it. The "feeling" happens only when your mind is kept free of clutter, to let this energy come in. The bond is established. No surface ripple can disturb you now bcos you have internalised 'em all.

Now that you are "emotionally connected", you don't seek constant nor external validation. You simply will ruminate, in perfect silence!

Likewise, even when you are not actively eating(replace eating with "studying"), you keep ruminating("revising") on what you have chewed("read") already. You can't ruminate if you pounce to keep biting at every new thing that comes your way. You'll only bloat and belch stale!!

Stay emotionally connected, stay invested in that state and ruminate!!!

My sea poppies! ;)

Let me share with you what was the inspiration behind the painting with a "rustic soul". It has a rather unsophisticated feel to it. That is exactly what was on my mind when I decided to do that. I had just then read a poem by HD - the woman poet, who made a name for herself amidst all odds.

"your stalk has caught root 
among wet pebbles
and drift flung by the sea
and grated shells
and split conch-shells.

Beautiful, wide- spread,
fire upon leaf,
what meadow yields
so fragrant a leaf
as your bright leaf?"

No sugar-daddies; no one to help when she fell down, no one to nurse the bruises, no one to hold her hand and put her on the stage. She did all by herself; by her sheer grit and perseverence. No one she buttered. No one nurtured her. She grew on rough turf; yet, she did it! Bloomed amidst the rugged terrains weathering every bad weather, every storm that battered her existence; every (backstabbing) knife that tried to slash her spirit; walked through every negative word that was wrongly spread; resisting and breaking through every vicious force trying to subdue her.

The fruit of labour against such odds is invaluable. Nothing can beat the beauty exuded by the sweat on the brow. Nothing can equal the joy that comes from such painstakingly achieved rewards.

N you can see how it looks from the outside - idyllic sea poppies in a bucolic setting!! You don't see the pain behind but yes, I can see you already envying the surreal beauty that is unsurpassed!

Life is like that! Be yourself. you don't need meadows to bloom. Bloom and radiate happiness wherever you are. :) 

Learning at 33!!

How I love learning a new language!!!

N especially, when the teacher(one of my students) is so passionate about his mother tongue, and about every other language he knows!!

And, I am just loving this calligraphy....Excited!!! 

Hare Ram Hare Ram!

OK, the disclaimer comes first. No religious offences.

Today is an auspicious day in the Hindu calendar..the Purattasi Sanikkizhamai!

I wake up to my own clock(don't ask me the time! ;) ) ticking the hours towards my beauty sleep, after a late night - answering students' queries.

I hear claps, really loud voices out of sync, and some devotional music. OK..that's my neighbors in action... immersed in religious fervor. The noise plus the nauseating smell of their cheap frankincense pervades into my house... Enough to precipitate the migraine I dread! OK OK..these are times of intolerance, right? Happy the nay-sayers to achche din? ;)

There is something evades my level of understanding. We don't help neighbors in need; we don't smile at them; when we can`t put up with their unobtrusive way of living(by which I mean, no maids, no gossip ;) ; we harangue them with unwanted advice even at the lamest opportunity.... But on certain auspicious days, we seem to transcend to that euphoric state chanting the Divine name, singing His praise wanting to get into His good books..but to what use? When you are intolerant enough to bang the door shut when thy neighbor innocuously walks past to buy a packet of milk!

I was still not in a frame of mind to sing His praise..no, not yet.. had not had my morning coffee..and am always crabby until my first cup of caffeine! ;)

So, I come back, brewed my hot cuppa and sat down to block the external voices(noises), tuned in to the radio..Lo n behold.. ~ Hare Ram Hare Ram from Bhool Bhulaiya!

Whatta life! Karma, huh!!! Hare Ram Hare Ram!!! ;) :P

The Orb of Reflection

I drew this water drop just to practise my strokes and blending techniques.

At the end, when I took a look at it, it stood there as the orb of reflection!

So I had to reflect!!! ;)

Isn't each one of us just a vanishing drop in this theatre called life?

Just as the drop significantly contributes to the mighty ocean, it disappears in the ocean's vastness reducing itself to an insignificant nothing.

I am reminded of an incident where someone laughed "at" me when something went wrong..just a technical fault. He obviously imagined that I made myself a laughing stock in front of everyone!

I repeat the episode once the snag is set right. Why no 😂😂😂 now?

Where did the previous ROFLs disappear after that, Mr.MCP? That is you.. the insignificant nothing!!

If you simply laughed for the sake of mirth, the 😂😂😂 should have remained!!!

Why fight n compare yourself with others? Attitude, of the insecure MCP!!! Why let the green-eyed monster rear its head? 🤔

My only answer to you is: Neighbor's envy, owner's pride!!! Heehaha

"Imagine yourself as a drop." Do your bit because you are bound to disappear!

Nothing is insignificant. I take note of everything. At the same time, you are definitely insignificant, indefinitely!!🙄